Annotated student essays with expert corrections, band score breakdowns, and Band 9 model answers.
A wedding is an important event in a person's life. Weddings It can be a great way to spend time with the nearest one friends and family. Everyone Most people want wants to make it memorable. Some people want to spend a lot of money on a wedding while others think it is unnecessary.
In some countries, weddings are is not planned and created by the couples, but instead it is planned and created by their parents. They Parents have dreamed of their daughter's or son's weddings to be fancy and luxurious. It is because the parents want to impress everyone, especially their colleagues. When it comes to in to making impressions, families family families will try to maintain put their pride with luxurious decorations, a fancy place, or and or a famous performer like a singer, artist, or traditional dancer.
On the other hand, couples that do not want to spend a lot of money have different perspectives about weddings. Marriage is the beginning to begin of a legal relationship with someone, while a wedding is just sharing the happiness with others. Some of them think that there are ways of spending the money instead instead for the wedding, but while but the couple can still feel enjoyment in the wedding. For example, having dinner together with family families and friends., besides Besides. Besides, it can save a lot of money, it and can help you increase your intimate relationships with your the your closest family and friends.
So, it is okay if the couples want to choose about how to plan the wedding. Whether with a the a luxurious luxuries one or a the a private one, it depends on the financial status that the couples possess possesses. But it is better if the couples can save their money for life after marriage, so that for example they can buy buying a house to stay or afford their daily needs.
You used the word "everyone", which is best avoided in IELTS because it shows too much certainty. In life, things are rarely "always" or "never", as there are often exceptions to a rule. Therefore, in most cases you should avoid these words, as well as words like "everyone". In the Task Achievement section of the marking rubric, there is a note about "overgeneralising", and an examiner would not be able to give you more than a band 7 for TA if you did this.
There are some problems with how you link clauses and sentences. You do not seem fully aware of how to link these and you use commas too often. You need to be familiar with coordinating conjunctions, conjunctive adverbs, and subordinating conjunctions. They each have different rules of use.
You will see that I have removed some repetitions in your text. It is fine to repeat things a little but you should not do it too much. If you can successfully employ referencing to avoid repetition (like changing "weddings" to "them/they"), then you can get a better score for CC.
Let's look at those first words: "Wedding A wedding is an important event"
In English, we can either group all weddings together or pick a single, hypothetical wedding:
When you make a list, each item should be separated by a comma. Also, all parts should be in the same form. "Singer" and "artist" are kinds of people but "dancer" is not a verb — this inconsistency is a problem.
| Criterion | Band | Score |
|---|---|---|
| Task Achievement | 7 | |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 6 | |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 5 | |
| Overall Band Score | 6.0 | |
It is quite normal all around the world for people to have extravagant wedding celebrations that cost vast sums of money. Some people think that this is a reasonable thing, while others think it is a total waste. This essay will look at both views and then decide that it is a waste of money.
The chief reason why people are willing to spend so much money on a wedding is that it is a special event in a person's life. Traditionally, a person's wedding day was the most significant event and it needed to be celebrated fully. More than just for personal reasons, it also brought two families together and could even have been a political union, so it was of huge significance overall. As such, these events were lavish and no expense was spared. In the modern era, this idea has continued, despite the fact that people often get divorced and remarried, and weddings are now a more personal event than they used to be.
The idea of spending vast sums of money on a wedding is ridiculous. If a wedding is nowadays about celebrating a couple's life together, it would be far better for the money to be spent on them. Rather than having an expensive wedding ceremony that lasts a few hours, they should spend the money on a house that they will live in for years, or put it towards securing their future together. The cost of a wedding is extraordinary nowadays, and that money could instead be used to make a couple's life far happier and easier if it were invested into more realistic things.
In conclusion, there are reasons why people want to have a big, expensive wedding, but it seems that the money would be better spent on the couple's life to ensure a happy relationship.
The two maps display infrastructure accessing to surrounding a city hospital in the years 2007 and 2010.
Overall, although the structure of the roads was unchanged, roundabouts were added and facilities for visitors developed.
In the north of the map, there was a city hospital, which was surrounded by Ring a ring Road a ring road. Hospital Road began at the middle of the south part of Ring the ring Rd the ring road and ran to the south. Also, in the south of the map, City Road ran from west to east, crossing intersecting with Hospital Road in the middle. By 2010, all those had remained as they were.
By 2010, two roundabouts had been constructed at the crossings of where Hospital Road intersects with Ring the ring Rd the ring road and City Road. Six bus stops along Hospital Road was were removed, instead, and a bus station was built on the west side of hospital Hospital Road, between Ring the ring Rd the ring road and City Road. Also, two connection roads were newly added between the bus station and the two roundabouts. The carpark on the east side of Hospital Road was used by staff and the public in 2007, but, by 2010, it had been was used by only by staff because a new public car park with its entrance had been set up on the east side of Ring the ring Road the ring road.
This was basically fine but the meaning was obscured because of errors.
As you can see, there were many mistakes in this essay. These were mostly vocabulary and grammar issues, but that actually affects CC as well because it makes sentences harder to read.
The capitalisation issue here is interesting. Some parts like "City Road" could be either capitalised or not, depending on whether it is a description or a name. However, you have sort of inverted this — using lower case for "City Hospital" (surely a name) but capitals for others. You have also done it very inconsistently, writing both "Hospital Road" and "hospital Road." Try to be more consistent throughout.
Key grammar point — using conjunctive adverbs correctly:
INDEPENDENT CLAUSE + SEMI-COLON + CONJUNCTIVE ADVERB + COMMA + INDEPENDENT CLAUSE
Example: "The price of homes has been rising for several decades; therefore, young people cannot get on the property ladder."
| Criterion | Band | Score |
|---|---|---|
| Task Response | 8 | |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 7 | |
| Lexical Resource | 6 | |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 6 | |
| Overall Band Score | 6.5 | |
The two maps depict the transportation facilities surrounding a city hospital in the years 2007 and 2010. Several changes took place during the intervening years.
In 2007, the hospital was accessible from the City Road via the Hospital Road, and this continued to loop around the hospital as the ring road. There were several bus stops alongside the Hospital Road, and a joint staff and public car park sat on the east side of road, with its access point just off the ring road.
By 2010, much had changed. The junction from the City Road to the Hospital Road had been converted to a roundabout, as had the junction connecting the Hospital Road with the ring road. The bus stops had been replaced by a bus station on the west side of the Hospital Road, while the joint staff and public car park had become a devoted staff car park. On the east side of the ring road, a new public car park had been built.
The question of whether public libraries are the public library is necessary or useless is simply the one that defines how we treat people in general. In my opinion, every library is a temple dedicated to human progress and public libraries the public library should in no way be exempted from that rule.
I agree that books, in general, are not as popular as they used to be in the past. Furthermore, one simply cannot deny the fact that technological progress and mass media effects have changed effects the way how way people perceive knowledge and where to look for it. Hence the argument that today no one even has time to read, never mind not to mention to actually go to the public library. For this reason, one can argue their practical use in this day and age and openly raise the a the question of whether they should be turned why whether shouldn't we turn them into bars, supermarkets or gyms?
On the other hand, I am confident that the public library is more than just a place to go to read something. Even though the time of smartphones and tablets is well upon us, there is something special about going into a the a room full of books, written by the people who have shaped our way of life. Indeed, in each and every city, the public library is a symbol of humanity's relationship with its cultural heritage. It is undoubtedly not just a place where knowledge the knowledge is is being stored, but rather a sign of our determination to preserve it, and wisdom.
In my view, the public library is still an absolute necessity in every community. In other words, it is not just a building where one can find a book, but rather a place of inspiration, peace, and wisdom.
This question is not a genuine IELTS exam question — it was likely written by a non-native speaker and contains some mistakes. Although practising non-authentic questions is still worthwhile, you must be careful: fake questions tend to contain poor English, which you may repeat in your essay.
This summarising sentence from paragraph three was beautiful: "It is undoubtedly not just a place where the knowledge is being stored, but rather a sign of our determination to preserve it." It is very intelligent and also quite well-written.
Your essay was great and you have used paragraphing and referencing quite well, but there is one thing that affects CC. Your sentences all start in pretty similar ways — these are learned IELTS writing structures (mostly conjunctive adverbs) and they give the essay a slightly artificial, disjointed feel. Vary your language and do not over-use cohesive devices.
You had some really nice, natural language here, much of which was idiomatic. I liked the accurate use of "every library is a temple dedicated to human progress" and "the time of ___ is well upon us."
When using the word "question" to introduce an issue, follow it with "of": "The question of whether…"
On "way" vs "how" — we can use either, but not both together:
| Criterion | Band | Score |
|---|---|---|
| Task Achievement | 8 | |
| Coherence & Cohesion | 8 | |
| Lexical Resource | 8 | |
| Grammatical Range & Accuracy | 7 | |
| Overall Band Score | 7.5 | |
Libraries are no longer as important as they used to be. Once upon a time, any major research problem was solved at the library, and many people even went there for entertainment. However, now their popularity has declined and some say that they are no longer important. This essay will look at both sides and suggest that libraries still have some purpose.
Those who say that libraries are now out-dated claim that the internet has completely replaced them by providing virtually all of the information known to humanity for free. Moreover, rather than going to a special building, that free information is available in your pocket. This is a very good point; however, it overlooks the fact that not all information is in fact online, and certainly not all that is online is trustworthy.
Libraries are places where information has been professionally collected and organized, making it easy to find. The information gathered here is assembled into books and journals that have been peer-reviewed and are therefore more trustworthy than a blog post or YouTube video. If it is verifiable facts that you want, the library is far more reliable than searching the internet. Libraries also have vast archives of local data that are not available online, and so if you are doing specialized research, a trip to the library can prove invaluable.
In conclusion, it may seem reasonable to suggest that libraries are no longer important, having been supplanted by the internet, but they still in fact have some important qualities that make them necessary.